Yes, I'm a Happily Married Christian Pro-life Stay-at Home-Mom Feminist.

Do any of those terms sound oxymoronic to you? They shouldn't. I love being a woman. As a feminist, I believe that we are intelligent, capable, creative, amazing beings who have kept civilization going since the dawn of time. We are the reason why the species has survived. According to Genesis in the Bible, Adam (even though he had everything he could possibly need in the Garden of Eden as well as a perfect relationship with God) was discontent until God created Eve. Only after Eve was created did God stop and rest- because without Eve, creation would have been incomplete. I believe that most women are 100% as capable as men, plus (with a small contribution from the male of the species) we can create baby humans inside our own bodies and later feed those baby humans with our breasts once they are born. It's like a super-power. If women want to be doctors, lawyers, world leaders- they can. AND they can have babies, too. Men simply can't do that. Queen Elizabeth the Second is an incredible example- She's a monarch, a world leader, a wife, and a mother. Talk about super-woman. I hate to see women exploited. Nothing makes me angrier than hearing about women and female children being abused,raped, demeaned, forced into prostitution, and generally being treated like commodities to be bought and sold by both men and women in black markets around the world. I think about those injustices and it makes me happy that God created Hell. People who abuse or sell other people deserve Hell. I believe in a merciful God and a just God. I believe that Jesus will forgive ANYONE who comes to Him- even someone who I would be tempted to kill for their part in the atrocities towards women and children in this world. But I also believe that if they don't repent and turn to Jesus, they will burn in Hell for all eternity and they will pay for the pain they have perpetrated on the innocent. I hate being treated as a stupid female. I dress as a professional. I act as a professional and most men and women treat me as a professional. Occasionally, I get a little bit of patronization from my Father-in-law and from some of my male students and the occasional man out in public. This ticks me off and I generally do whatever it takes to make it clear that I am a woman deserving of respect. However, some women don't dress appropriately. They dress to show off their bodies and they act as if their sexuality is their defining feature. Slutty dressing and slutty behavior is not a right we feminists have fought for. In fact, I believe it is distinctly anti-feminist to parade ourselves around like sex objects and to give sexual favor away for free with zero committment. I am more than my body and I allow no one to treat me as if my body is all that I am. Also, some women act like idiots. They rely on others to take care of them, make a joke of how incompetent they are and make no move towards independence or self-respect. If a woman allows herself to behave as a simpleton, she is anti-feminist. These beliefs about women are what makes me a feminist. But onto the happily married part of this blog's title. As a powerful, intelligent, life-creating woman, I was smart enough to see the advantages of marrying my husband, Anthony. Can women be successful, fulfilled, complete, joyful people without marrying? Certainly. But when you meet someone who is so incredible that you know your partnership with them will bless your life immeasurably- you marry them and you don't let go of them. I love men. God did a great job when He created men. My father and brother are exceptional men. They have dedicated their lives to serving God. They speak up against injustice in the world, they love their wives, they take care of, nurture and challenge their children. Their families are rich in love and potential and their wives are brave and powerful women who change the world around them for good. My husband is the most hard-working person I know on the planet. This is a man who spends 2 hours commuting to and from work every day, spends 8 hours at work, and then whatever remaining hours of daylight he has left, he spends building my house. He literally collapses into bed in exhaustion every night. This guy is the cream of the crop. He has a memory like an iron-trap, incredible loyalty and devotion to our family, a great sense of humor, a deep love for God, and the good sense to be madly in love with me. I don't think being a feminist means being anti-men. In fact, if we as women are truly strong, powerful beings, we don't need to tear the men down. We can value them for the incredible creation that they are and for their contributions to our lives and we can be grateful for the things they do for us. Not because we are weak or dumb or because we are snivelling little idiots, but because we are strong and we can see how they benefit our lives and we are much richer for having good men in our lives. Women need to stop tearing the men down. Nothing makes a woman sound weaker than continually criticizing others, no matter their gender. I can't stand being around wives and girlfriends who rip their men to shreds. It says to me, "I am insecure and I hate myself, so therefore, I am going to prove to everyone how much better I am than this stupid man who I married." Making a sport of tearing men down is distinctly anti-feminist. Being equals means seeing their strengths and weaknesses fairly and treating them with the same compassion we would like to be treated with. For me, being a feminist also means being a Christian. Jesus loved women. He spoke up for them, accepted their attention and love for Him and He treated them as equals. The early Christian church valued women for their contributions to the church and good churches today are wise to know that we women are the backbone of our churches. Who is raising the money to help young mothers in our community? The women in my church. Who is praying for our soldiers and sending them care packages? The women in my church. Who is really running everything?- Oh, that's right- the women. I don't want to downplay the contributions of the men. A Christian man is truly a powerful force and God uses both genders for His plan. But suffice it to say, without women in a church, everything would fall apart. I am Pro-life. I realize this is a divisive stance to take, but because I AM a feminist, I can't be anything but pro-life. I value all women's lives, whether they are a 1-week old fetus or a 99-year old. I also believe abortion can be extremely upsetting, painful, and dangerous for women and they are often forced into it by their male partners lack of responsibility or their families' lack of support. No woman decides, "ooh, I'd like to concieve a child and abort it today. That sounds like a nifty plan!" No- women don't WANT abortions. They want help and no matter where we stand on this issue, women need to stop spending so much energy fighting for or against abortion and spend more energy on getting other women the help that they need in a trying time like pregnancy. The other thing I don't like about the abortion issue is that it sends this message to women: "You are too stupid to keep your legs closed. You are a victim who had no control over her sexual behavior and now that you're pregnant, you are too weak to deal with this baby." Now sometimes women are victims who had no control over their sexual behavior. But assuming that they are too weak to deal with the situation is wrong. The sad truth is that sometimes things happen to use that we have no control over- but we can control how we respond. Killing a baby (and yes, I believe a baby is a baby once they've been concieved- no matter how young they are)simply does not solve the problem. Is it fair that many women and teenage girls have to bear sole responsibility for a baby that it took two to make? Absolutely not. But it's simply the way it is. And when we get to heaven, we can ask God why He chose to make it that way. But in any case, a real woman doesn't focus on what's FAIR or NOT FAIR. A real woman deals with things as they are and knows that two wrongs don't make things right for her. Onto the last part of my Jeremiad here. Very recently, I quit my 6-year career as an extremely successful high school teacher so that I can stay home with my baby who is due in June. I have joined the ranks of the Stay-At-Home-Moms. No one told me that I had to do this. In fact, in my community, even among the conservative young Christian women, it's more the exception than the rule. There are many reasons for this choice and I will probably write a completely different blog about them. But the main reason is that I want my life and my family to be a peaceful place and I know that my energy and creativity are finite. I only have so much to give of myself and I would rather give it to my children than my job. Me and my husband have sacrificed a lot to make this happen and we will sacrifice a lot more by the time the darlings are grown. The point here is not that you should quit your job and become a SAHM. The point is that you should choose what you want for your life and your family and stop making excuses about why you are unhappy. Take some control and don't be a victim to your circumstances. Often I hear other women say, "Oh, I'd like to stay at home, but we just can't afford it." What they are really saying is, "I don't really want to stay at home or give up the lifestyle we're accustomed to." And if that's their choice, then they need to be aware that they is the choice THEY are making. So if you're a feminist- ask yourself this- are you really? Are you proud to be a woman and convinced that we can do anything we set our minds to? Or do you think we really are victims of circumstance who need to tear our husbands down, who need the big masculine government to save us from our sexual behavior because we are too stupid to deal with our own consequences? Who need to flaunt our bodies because our minds are not good enough? Who have no control over how we spend our time and energy? Maybe you don't really respect your own gender as much as you thought you did. Food for thought, anyhow.

Book Review: Of Eternal Life

I actually KNOW a published book writer. Not like in a "I stalk their blog and sometimes they comment on mine way," but in the very real sense that one of my best friends from college, Micah Persell-Council, is just about to get her first book published. Am I a little envious? Of course I am. But mainly, I am just proud that I know her. She's one of my favorite people and if she can write a book and get it picked up by a publishing company, that gives me hope, too. I'm especially pleased because she sent me an e-copy before the book comes out so that I could review it on this blog. Now Micah writes in a genre I had never heard of before: Paranormal Romance. As best as I can tell, it's sort of like your standard romance novel, but with sort of a psuedo-science-fiction/fantasy element tossed in, making it pretty darn interesting. The book has kidnapping, gun fights, characters with mysterious supernatural abilities, secret government cover-ups, and of course two very sexy main characters who share a lot of blush-worthy scenes. Graphic sex scenes, in fact, so I wouldn't recommend this book for your innocent teenage daughter. But if you like a good romance novel that's not your standard historical bodice-ripper, you will definitely enjoy the read. But don't take my word for it (apologies to Lavar Burton). You can visit Micah's author website here author website and the book's facebook page.

How to get out debt and build a house before you're 30....

One of the creative nonfiction pieces I wrote over the summer during my workshop was accepted by Whistling Fire, an online literary journal. Starting today, it is on their website at http://www.whistlingfire.com.

It's a how-to style piece about our struggle to get out of debt and build our house. It's alternately humorous and sad.

According to duotrope.com, Whistling Fire was,

"Conceived in December 2008 as a collective effort of MFA students, The Whistling Fire provides a forum where fresh voices share creative works of fiction, nonfiction, and poetry. We encourage writers with an eye toward publication to submit their works or works in progress, as we wish to showcase a diverse array of styles and voices. We encourage our readers to comment on posted works in the spirit of constructive criticism. Positive feedback is always welcomed; constructive literary criticism is encouraged. Our aim is to encourage the writing process."


Now if only I could access it on school computers...

You mean, you don't want to pick my brain?

"I am going to be an author when I grow up," my student proudly declared during lunch yesterday.

"Really?" I responded with enthusiasm. "That's great!"

"Yes," he replied to me, and to his friends he said, "I hear the publishers and editors are totally evil, though."

"No," I piped in, "they are just people trying to find work they think they can sell. I've met some very kind editors and sometimes they reject your work and sometimes they don't, but they are usually pretty helpful."

Which is when I pulled out my copy of my recently published one page Guideposts article that came out this month. I showed it to him and explained that I was an author, too. He looked at it and handed it back to me without reading it.

I said, "Magazines are great ways to break into getting published. They will often take your short stories and things like that and sometimes they'll pay you. Guideposts paid me $150 for this article."

"Oh," he responded, "I don't want to write anything short. I spend so much time developing my characters, see?"

He then went on to brag to his friends about the 2 chapters of the book he's written and continue talking about what he had heard about the evils of the publishing industry.

I realized that he wasn't even remotely interested in anything I had to say, which shouldn't have surprised me, but was irritating.

I have spent the past 5 years working on becoming a writer. I know there are others who have worked harder and been more successful than I have, but I am fairly proud of what I have accomplished. I have taken online workshops to improve my writing, I've written 1 1/2 children's chapter books which are not publishable yet, but are a step in the right direction. I have had 10 newspaper articles published in our local paper, 5-10 poems published in various literary journals, won a poetry award in a local contest and most recently, my article was published in Guideposts. All told, I've probably made over $500 on my writing in the past 5 years.

It's a start and I know where I'm going to go from here. First chance I get, I'm going to some writing workshops for children's literature. Workshops are definitely worth the cost, in my experience, plus the contacts you make are really valuable.

The little I've learned about publishing has been mainly through trial and error, dumb luck, internet and book research, and trying desperately to pick the brains of anyone I know who might know something about being published.

I am by no means an expert on this yet, but I am getting there, and I am proud of what I have learned.

So for this kid to not be interested in what I had to say was unbelievable to me. I thought, "Kid, pick my brain- I will give you 5 years worth of publishing information
right now. I can tell you exactly how to get started." But no, he was more interested in pontificating about how incredible he was and in perpetuating myths about publishing that were based on apparently nothing but hearsay.

So here is the advice I would have given him, if he had been listening.

1. Submit to magazines and small literary journals. You can find them on Duotrope.com. There are other places as well.

2. Go to writing workshops and take online workshops. They are completely worth it.

3. Read a wide variety of stuff. If all you read is bad fan fiction you find on the internet, you may be missing out on some mental development.

4. Submit, submit, submit. When you get rejected and they actually tell you why, be willing to take their advice. Then submit again.

5. Try local markets. Write for your local paper. Submit to local contests.

6. Start a blog. It gives you great experience, connects you with other people with similar interests, and gives you a chance to see how people respond to your work.

7. Write. A. Lot.

I know there are other ways out there to work on writing, but these have been the most helpful to me.

I want to pick your brain, too. What have you learned in your publishing journey? What do you think an aspiring writer should be doing to develop his or her craft? Please tell me, because unlike my high school student, I really do want to know what your experience has taught you.