Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Sometimes I'm just Idiot-Woman Again.

"Sheriff's Department, how can I help you?"

"I'm calling to report some vandalism. I teach at the high school and one of my tires was slashed."

"We'll send someone right over."

I hadn't wanted to call the Sheriff's Deparment. I had seen the slash mark on my tire, and it irritated me, but getting kids in trouble for slashing tires is like getting kids in trouble for having hormones.

There is a law of teaching high school, "Anything that can be destroyed...will be destroyed...even if it's your car."

So honestly, I wasn't too mad about it. In my experience, kids just break, maul, and slash for no really good reason except that they're kids and they are sometimes idiots. Sometimes they have a vendetta against you, but other times it's just random destruction.

But after a kindly young custodian changed my tired and I got home and told my husband about the whole thing, he gave me that "someone-has-threatened-my-wife-and-she-doesn't-think-it's-a-big-deal" look and told me,

"Go report it to the Sheriff's Department right away. Next time, report it while you're still in the parking lot."

"Anthony, these kinds of things happen all the time," I replied. "It's just kids- they do these things to teachers."

"Can you name a single other teacher this happened to?"

"Well, no," I admitted, "but Tammy got her car keyed a few years ago. The custodian said that in Bakersfield they would just steal the whole car."

"A key and a knife are two different things. This is a crime of violence and we need to try and figure out who did this."

"Okay, Okay, I'll call them," I agreed.

The nice young lady at the end of the line dispatched an officer. While we were waiting for him, my husband came over and investigated the tire. After a few moments, he got a little gleam in his eye.



"Did you notice the giant bolt sticking out of your tire?" Anthony asked me.

"Well, yes," I replied, " AND the slash mark."

"Is it possible that the bolt is what flattened your tire. I don't think that slash mark looks very deep."

So we filled the tire with air, and wouldn't you know it, he was right. The slash didn't go all the way through, and there was plenty of air hissing out from the bolt. The sheriff could be arriving any minute.

"I didn't want to call the sheriff to begin with," I accused my husband. "You made me."

"I know," he said, "but even if you think that your car has been vandalized, it's still important to report it. Let's call them and tell them it was a false alarm."

By then it was too late to call them. We heard the Sheriff's car drive up and saw his flashlight coming toward us.

"Are you the folks who called in a vandalism?"

"Yes," responded my husband, "but we are so, so, sorry...we were wrong, it was just a bolt that flattened her tire."

I gave the young officer my best "I'm-just-a-befuddled-idiot-woman" look and he said,

"No harm done. I'll be on my way."

"Thank You," we both called out as he left.

I need new tires anyway.


  1. Sorry about your tires. Maybe your sheep baby chewed them up. But I'm glad your students didn't vandalize your car, that does sound a lot more serious than some of the other things you've mentioned before. Now you can walk around campus without wondering, "did you do it?" "Was it you?"

  2. Plus it must be nice for the officers when its a false alarm instead of the horror stories they have to deal with all the time. I know in my line of work I'd much rather have false alarms than real ones.

  3. New the title of your blog, by the way.

    I am former teacher at a special program for high school students who had been kicked out of their regular schools for a variety of colorful reason. One of them tried to steal my car once. Ironically, it was not the student who had been sent to us because of his tendency for grand theft auto...

  4. Carolyn, let's leave the sheep baby out of this, please! :).

    M.J., thanks for the support and the follow. My husband kept wondering why I wasn't more freaked out by the idea that my tires had been slashed, but I was all like, "I TEACH HIGH SCHOOL." After a while you get used to almost anything. You're brave to work with the kicked out kids. They must have been pretty special.

  5. SHEEP BABY! Nom nom nom!
    Eating your tires, NOM NOMNOM!

  6. Sandy I am really glad it was not a student also. You try to brush it off but you never really do. So it was a delinquent bolt who was mad at you for not casting it in the play. I think you can find a spot for that bolt even if it is just a walk on part. Love Mamasita