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Lake Isabella, CA, United States
I am an aspiring writer in the Kern River Valley. This blog is a "test kitchen" to try different writing styles and to work through the many rejections and the handful of acceptances my work has received. But no matter what other people say about my writing, at least my mother thinks I'm a good writer!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

A Great Cruelty


It's been a while since I updated this blog.

In that time, I quit my job as a high school teacher, moved in with my parents, and gave birth to my firstborn son, who I've been learning to care for and breastfeed. As far as writing goes, I've written 2 half short stories and 3 poems, most of which I never finished or wasn't totally happy with. I've also tried on several occasions to write my birth story, but haven't been successful at that either, I think because I am still coming to terms with everything that happened. One of the wonderful things about writing is that it is very therapeutic. It helps me deal with life. Just putting certain things into words helps me lay them to rest.

The 48 hours of labor were difficult, going to the hospital when I had planned on a home birth was difficult, but those things don't bother me- they were what needed to happen. There was only one thing that still bothers me and this poem attempts to deal with it.


How can she leave the hospital when her heart lives there because
The mother needs 
the baby needs
the mother needs
the baby needs
the mother needs
the baby needs
...continuing on like a moebus strip. 

It is a great cruelty to take the baby from the mother (you might as well take away her oxygen) because
The mother needs
the baby needs
the mother needs
the baby needs
...well, you get the picture. 

But there is a golden thread connecting them, 
stronger than all the monitors and the incubators and IV's
and the doctors who think they know that what's best for the baby is to take him from the mother for five long days. 

And when they are finally together, when her heart is finally close to her body again, then the baby and the mother can both begin to heal. 



 

4 comments:

  1. Tears filled my eyes as I read your poem. The separation between you and Bennett. So tragically and eloquently expressed. The pain you experienced was unbearable.

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  2. Thanks for your comment and your empathy. It was a very emotional time for me and writing about it helps me process it.

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  3. Sounds like you were reunited in the end- let the bonding continue!

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  4. Sharkbytes- we were finally reunited and have had a lovely time getting to know each other. Thank you for your well-wishes.

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