Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Death- Poem #100
I will post more Guinea Pig adventures next time. I thought we needed a little break from all the treacle.
My New Year's resolution this year was to write a page a day. Have I achieved that so far? Absolutely not. I did get a lot of writing done this year, but not as much as I had hoped.
One of the things that happened was my grandfather's death. Since his illness and death, I have been pre-occupied with grief and feelings of loss. Anytime I try to write...that's all that will come out. I'd rather not look at it, so I just put the pen down instead.
It's time to break out of this, but I'm just not sure how. I don't like writing dark things so often- it makes me feel morbid. It's just not my style or my personality.
I haven't chosen to share very many of my sad writings on the blog because they are so dark, and also because my family supports me by checking on the blog regularly, and they are also dealing with so much grief that I don't want to further upset them. Some things are too personal to post on the internet or even to talk about.
As usual, when I'm feeling strong emotions about something, I wrote a poem about it, which incidentally happens to be the 100th poem I have saved! That makes over 10,000 words and 53 pages worth of poems. I started writing poetry in 1998. I know I have other old poems floating around out there in old journals and things, but I haven't yet succeeded in tracking them down.
How can I write when my pen is covered in death?
Not macabre, over-dramatic, glorious decay
That so many writers have profited by.
My pen is covered in loss, withering, fading, destitution.
Death, Death, Death.
It’s the only word I have to write.
I’d rather leave the page blank than write death onto the paper.