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Lake Isabella, CA, United States
I am an aspiring writer in the Kern River Valley. This blog is a "test kitchen" to try different writing styles and to work through the many rejections and the handful of acceptances my work has received. But no matter what other people say about my writing, at least my mother thinks I'm a good writer!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Proudly Accepted by the Kern Valley Sun

The Kern Valley Sun ran my article about Cheesy Bowls this week! I haven't gotten any feedback from readers yet, but I hope to soon. I promised I would post it after the Kern Valley Sun had used it, so here it is. Consider it a spoof on recipe blogs, such as my sister-in-law's excellent food blog, "Green Megs and Ham." Unlike the recipe below, you might actually want to try one of hers at home.


How to Make a Cheesy Bowl in the Trailer.

Approximate time: 15 minutes

Nutritional info: Figure it out yourself.

1. Come home from work at 6PM and notice that there is no food in your tiny pantry except for a half used jar of spaghetti sauce, some cheese, a can of beans, and a stack of corn tortillas.

2. Look in the sink full of dirty dishes for the two bowls you own. Evaluate whether they actually need to be washed. For example, if you ate something reddish last night, like spaghetti sauce, or watermelon, or sherbet, you might not actually need to wash the bowls. Give them a cursory rinse if you’re not sure. (The same rule applies when looking for spoons or other cutlery).

3. Heat the spaghetti sauce, and the beans, and throw in any spices you may have on hand. (I prefer cumin, but feel free to be creative! Cinnamon, perhaps?)

4. Layer a corn tortilla on the bottom of the bowl, and cover it with a hefty layer of cheese. Pour the beanie-spaghetti sauce into the bowl. Layer with more cheese, cover with another corn tortilla and complete the bowl with yet more cheese. (Most things can be substituted in this recipe; the cheese cannot. If you don’t have any cheese, it may be time to resort to the true last-ditch meal: peanut butter and honey on a corn tortilla. It’s a little chewy, but definitely edible).

5. Next, turn off all the lights, fans, and air conditioning or heating in the trailer so that you don’t overload the electrical system. If it’s winter, put on a jacket, because the trailer will soon turn into a walk-in-freezer. If it’s summer, take off as many clothes as you can (while still protecting yourself from the upcoming molten cheese) because the trailer will soon resemble a giant metal oven.

6. Put each bowl in the microwave and zap it for 2 minutes. More if the tortillas were still frozen when you put the bowl together and you were too lazy to defrost them.

7. When you remove the bowl, watch out for super-hot cheese! It can burn you, and this will create more work for you.

8. Repeat the micro-waving process with a second cheesy bowl. After it is done, you will need to scrape off the inside of the microwave because the beanie-spaghetti sauce may explode a little bit while cooking.

9. Turn the heater or cooler back on. Enjoy eating your cheesy bowl on the tiny table in your trailer.

10. If you have any beanie-spaghetti sauce left over, save it for the next time you’re desperate for food.

11. Lastly, try to get someone else to do the dishes. After all, you did just slave all day in front of the stove.

6 comments:

  1. Very cute. Humor is the most difficult genre, but you got it!

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  2. Sounds delicious. You cook just like your mother used to!

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  3. Loved your piece - Thanks for my last laugh of the day! (Note time I am logged!)

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  4. I just love it! Hope you receive lots of comments.

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  5. I am very glad they printed it. It is so cute and the way we all feel sometimes. Really excellent use of humor. Have you ever Read Erma Bombeck? This is very like her. You would like it.

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  6. Sounds like one of my efforts when my good lady wife isn't home!!! Congrats on being published.

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